I start school pretty soon. Im oh so glad it is, because this summer has been HELL 4 ME and it is impossible for me to even dream about how life would be better persay? Well, to my main problem. So, Im going out with Sparkie right? Well, yeah, but now Im having these oh so detailed dreams, or should I say nightmares about BENJAMIN! Thats never happend to me before. Its though as if I cant let Benjamin go since we got to school together, we have almost all the same friends, and he tries to keep in touch every damn day. Its so so weird oh him.

My so called sweey cyberlife has gone bad. Its terrible, I havent updated almost anything but this blog and my poems, which I havent done since 4th of July Week. I know, Im so unorganized, but I cant help it. Its who the fuck I am. I got so sad and depressed today, I wanted to cut until I had no where else to cut( which is already said for my upperbody! ). But, yet agian I was out of luck. I had nothing sharp, or anything. I have some razors that were left behind for personal reasons, but I can just use them. Im very well protective of order. Well, let me go drown in my sorrows. Best of Days to You

Kandii W.

Currently Watching Forrest Gump see related

Well, I'm not at home, so I hope no one here will read anything I've written. Its been the best weekend/day since...only Satan knows how long...amazing! ( my vocabulary is growing lol). I've got new for you people:

1.) I've quite skateboarding, so now my little bro Dillian won't talk to me
2.) Im thinking about cleaning all my buddy lists from AOL,yahoo,msn, and more...in all its like 125 people....alot? I know
3.) Maybe moving agian, since I'm going to a different school, at this school ill be able so see all me bff's..ya know?
4.) Im in love with a SMART ASS who likes me back, but he doesn't think he's my 'type'..ya know?
5.) Im getting a new cell around between the 3rd and 10th of AUGUST so maybe some of you people can call the kandii gurl lol

Well, back to my life, my 'mystery' family member found out about my cuts and cutting (but not the THREE suicide attempts) and made me throw away all my needles, knives, razors, and mostly glass in peices....AGAIN! So, there really isnt too much trouble I can get into..well, about this SMART ASS...

His name is Sparkie, and yes thats a nickname. He is a smart ass, but I would practaly DIE FOR HIM!!! Its amazing the things I feel for him. He's no Benjamin or Tony . But much much much more than that. He writes me letters and little notes he puts in my shower, or on my laptop screen and they are oh so cute..maybe ill scan some of them and show you Im finally loved. He thinks i dont like him, because i havent broken it off with Brent, but Brent is a ery good boyfriend, and for what I do....its a very dangerous relationship. His real, full name is Jason Malikei( like mal-i-kie) Houston-Stewart. He is a special person..so much like me, but a hell of alot more to look for...Its amazing the 'energy' I feel when Im around him, but he lives not for his family, so Im told by him, but for me. He wrote me a poem that told me that one thing..in a message that was hidden. Here it is, ill scan it whenever I get back home:

This life has no end
When I've lived it not yet
The life I've lived has been empty
But with you, it is full and worth living

This energy has been revieled
So that I may see you in the stars
And wish apon you, a spirit
That lives in our bodys destinied to
Be one

I live for our love
That drives me to live on
So that one day we will be as one
A couple of lve birds always + forever

Well, I have to go, so Ill ttyl to everyone...and anytime in the middle of august ( ill remind you) If we've talked for a good while, just ask for my cell number and if we're cool, ill give it to you..but as a limit, only 10 people get it..so if you want it, les talk!!

MUCH LOVE AND HATRID

Kandii W.

Ive been out of it for weeks now...AOL wouldnt let me on xanga and then a bitch had the nerve to shut down completly one day....its really sticking it to much huh? Well, what am I going to do...start school in about 2 weeks, really dont want to though..gotta get out the home school thing, ya know? Well...my problems are:
1.) Im in love with a guy who isnt even close to me
2.) Im falling behind on everything on xanga/myspace/bingbox and more....

My notions reside as a malfunction...i havent updated in forever....its been so boring...ive been so into my poetry and writings and shit, that I didnt even notice how life was leaving me...a friend of mine still believe though...so thank you BRANDON for everything you've helped me with...

much love and hatrid
Kandii W.

Well, its been forever and a long ass time since I last updated. Ive been down and sad ass hell for the past week. My sister SARAH is going to different schools, so we wont get to see each other until college unless we hang out but we never do; only at school. I cried all fucking last night and this morning and I cant help but think what the fuck, ya know? I will miss my sister more than life itself, and no one can relate to how I fell right now. We've only been sisters for a year, but it already seems as if we are REALLY sisters. No, she aint my blood sister, but she might as well be. Ive already lost another sister, because she moved, and now this? WTF? life was my friend, at a time so long ago, now it's just giving me hell on earth I guess...well, good day

</3 Kandii </3

Well, yet agian im back. Ive been sick for the past couple of dayd. It was just terrible...fucked up and everything. Well, nothing new....finished moving and bought different board. Getting a new cell phone soon...so some of you guys can call me! lol...well...gotta fly

</3 KANDII </3